


Δ the future we got

by Kingmaker (smooshkin)



Series: Sad Dad Life [1]
Category: Deus Ex (Video Games), Deus Ex: Human Revolution, Deus Ex: Mankind Divided
Genre: Contemplation, Daddy Issues, Gen, Self-Doubt, david/adam if you squint in some, retrospection
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-15
Updated: 2019-05-20
Packaged: 2019-11-18 07:51:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,159
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18116486
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smooshkin/pseuds/Kingmaker
Summary: Every boy needs a father to hate. Sarif-centric drabbles.





	1. Δ misunderstanding

"God, _Damnit_ , Adam!" David presses his fingers into his own temple.

"That's not what you are to me!" He finally shouts. He'd had enough. But he remains.

Adam answers. Says perhaps not. Maybe he only represents something. An idea David's in love with. That maybe the person is only theoretical too and easily forgotten in the wake of one's grand schemes.

David shakes his head. It's not true. Can't be.

He taught him to think for himself, culture his own ideas and this is the conclusion he came to?

That you're... _Evil?_ That's what you're getting from this. Maybe you're--

David furrows his brows and drags his hand down his face to temper himself. It settles on his throat and he takes a deep breath.

He avoids looking in Adam's direction. By the time he does, the other has already turned around; Leaving.

David's hand drops and, for a moment, panic wells in his chest. But Adam makes it look easy. Doesn't even afford him another glance. It's almost-- inspiring.

He closes his mouth, having made to speak but thinking better of it. Perhaps he missed his chance. Or perhaps there never was one.

You've done enough, David.

Parents all risk losing their children by nurturing them.

Every boy needs a father to hate in order to be better. Worked on you, after all.


	2. Δ abeyance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Words are the source of misunderstandings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sometimes a bitch just doesn't know what to say. Art is mine.

David smiles at him from across the room.

Adam looks tired. Feels eyes on him and peers up with an openness of face uncharacteristic of him.

Oh, star child, David thinks. What far-flung, star spattered corner of the cosmos did you venture from this morning?

He approaches him, already dressed. Adam was barely dressed. Sarif's gilded fingers raise and reach gently to the others' temple to press softly to the natural skin there.

He pauses; Before a gentle grunt of admittance and Adam leans in. Just barely.

To invite those fingers to run through his already-messy hair. David continues to movement through and over; All the way to Adam's tired neck.

He feels the tension and squeezes carefully there, index on the familiar spine he can feel underneath.

He's parallel with Adam, facing the window; The city outside. Adam is facing away.

David's fingers tighten again and he glances down, his own fingers and Adam's back illuminated kindly by the sun. Like bright auric wings spilling to the floor and eventually pouring over the side of the high rise.

David blinks. Makes a sound. Neither were eager to break the comfortable silence.

He loosens his grip on the back of Adam's neck and slides it, feather-light, to his synthetic shoulder.

He opens his mouth to speak, but there's too much he wants to say.

And settles on further silence. Instead, he smiles. And raps his fingers on the shoulder twice. Such a beautiful form, he thinks, in a pang of narcissism, and lets him go in exchange for the window.

"You ever read The Little Prince?" David asks, finally.

The response takes a moment to arrive. The slight shift signaling Adam's surprise.

"Yeah."

"You become responsible, forever, for what you've tamed." David quotes.

Adam says nothing. David hadn't wanted him to.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Art [source.](https://smooshkin.tumblr.com/post/184865622113/dreaming-that-im-missing-you-twitter-deviantart)


	3. Δ saudade

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Following a visit to London and a call-back from Adam, David feels an abstract missingness. All he knows is up; so a trip down is still scary.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Burn Out - Imagine Dragons](https://open.spotify.com/track/5Q7zuH8VNu7aLappSusPu6?si=tzScQjTXSBOc93YmQGViQw)  
> It's just another damn part, don't let it get the best of you  
> It's only up from the floor, light everything inside of you  
> Don't burn out, don't burn out on me
> 
> Wrote this as a characterization exercise my coach told me to try. Writing helps me be a better actor.

 

It's been two years since it all came down.

You couldn't stand to be in Detroit since. The gravestones of your company towers were the only thing in the skyline drawing your eye.

How did Frank manage it? Doesn't he feel the clawing of the past deep in his gut? Doesn't he feel-

Oh, David.

How did you end up like-?

Thinking about the past so much lately. Remember what dad said. There are gonna be times like this.

You're going to be limerant for what you had. You'll feel like everything is dying.

Like you're dying.

I do feel like dying.

You don't blame them for jumping ship. It's not the world we got where loyalty pays dividends per share.

But you *did* expect...

And Megan-! You thought maybe she'd-...? Any time she'd doubt herself, you were there to empower her. For her. And for you. She has those big dreams too.

But what about Adam? Of all of them, he--

Where is he now?

Probably headed for London by now, you think. The idea grounds you. The growing pit in your stomach settles slightly and the gentle turbulence of the plane sends you, dream-like, somewhere else.

We only knew him for a couple years, but---

You wish you could have stayed for the conference. Maybe gotten a chance to see him in person?

Maybe Brown will get a chance to mention you.

Does Adam know? That you shepherd his reputation to precede him kindly?

Anything to help. We believe in him.

Selfish, but maybe someday he'll thank us for what happened. Because without our influence- If we hadn't met, where would everything be now?

Where would you be?

You consider if you hadn't met him. For a moment. And quickly step over it.

He'll always be a part of your life now; And you----

A part of his.

Yet, as we fly south, there's a word that comes to mind.

What was it? God, this'll drive you crazy.

S-.. Wait... Saudade.

You first heard it in Brazil many years ago. It's how you feel, you're sure.

It's both the saddest feeling you can muster and the happiest; Tangled in one.

The Industries. Megan. Her passion. Mixed with your ideas. Athene. Family. Natalie. Christmas parties. Adam. Seeing action in the lights over Detroit. Darrow. Yeah, he's on your list. Nina is there, too. Maybe we should call her?

No... She said never.

Don't cry.

Who's left?

Who... do we have left?

Our friends, our family, our lovers----- All the same.

Dad said your life would go much like his did. You're going to die alone. You're too much to keep in their lives forever. You're too much.

But we keep trying. Even now.

Don't cry. The pilot's right there and your security is looking this way.

Let's just look out the window.

Experiencing the past reminds you why you avoided it for so long. If it felt good then, things feel missing now. If you got something from it- that will stay with you forever and hang around until you prod it.

You feel... drifting. Another year has gone by and it's gonna pull us away from it all again. If you live that long, maybe you'll start thinking about them like you think of mom. Dad. The kids on the street back when kids played outside. That book you can't remember the name of that you stayed up reading on a school-night. That kid you had a crush on you barely remember.

Shit.

We're so jaded, in reality. And in times of less distraction, you feel like you're dying. But let's keep trying.

You're not sure what you'll find in Mumbai, but maybe there'll be something.

Keep trying. It's all we know how to do, despite ourselves.

You'll see them all again------

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Art pictured](https://smooshkin.tumblr.com/post/184974313853/surrounded-by-npcs-da-tw) is mine.

**Author's Note:**

> Ah, jeez.


End file.
